ponderings, philisophies, and poetry

I have done many things in my life, both before and after my diagnosis of the disability, Bipolar Disorder. Some things have been good things. Some things have been not so good. But here is a list of things I have never done as a bipolar woman:

1. I have never committed a crime
2. I have never been violent
3. I have never taken illegal drugs or become inebriated
4. I have never hallucinated
5. I have especially NEVER hallucinated about harming anyone (my personal favorite)
6. I have never taken an overdose
7. I have never been disrespectful or insubordinate to anyone professionally
8. I have never claimed to be perfect
9. I have never dealt with a personal problem by speaking ill of others without their knowledge. After all, I am not the boss of them.
10. I have not made any choices that would forever change the course of someone else's life

I wrote this poem several years ago. It is not pure or godly or kind. It is raw and honest. And sometimes....that's just how life is.

For All

For all those who
Contributed to my pain
I say thank you
For reminding me of
What is sure.

For all those who
Contributed to my pain
I say screw you
For throwing me away
Is your own loss.

For all those who
Contributed to my pain
I say bless you
For without you
I would not have become as strong.

For all those who
Contributed to my pain
I say I pity you
For an open heart
Is always more fulfilled.

For all those who
Contributed to my pain
I say see you (CU)
For I cannot be held here –
I am free.