the irrelevance of pros and cons

In bipolar world, medication is a trade-off. These are some personal pros and cons:

Pros
1. No more mania - hopefully this means no more rage, no more family destructive choices, no more overspending, no more thoughts that race faster and more obssesively than I can catch them
2. Less mood swings and more predictability
3. Thinking and speaking more rationally
4. Sleeping through the night

Cons
1. No more hypomania - no more creativity that flows easily, no more boundless energy to do all sorts of things, no more jogging or not caring how many hours of sleep I got
2. Less moods - notice I didn't say mood swings, I said moods. In some instances, no more feeling
3. Wanting to sleep through more than the night
4. Wondering who this woman is who sits with no inclinations
5. Clothing sizes I fear will become higher than my IQ

So it's a trade off. To become better in one area of my life, I must lessen another. I am committed to medication. I must be committed to medication. And, if I were not me, then going through life without truly feeling it might not seem so bad a proposition. But I am me. I will be me until my last breath. But I have made the choice, and I have made the trade, and it has come with its prices.